From the moment I can remember, I have been told that I should not be here. Certainly not as the fourth girl in the row.
I have been told that others depend on my behaviour for their happiness, and that my behaviour did not really cause that.
I have been told that men only want one thing. And it became clear to me, that ‘they’ took that, even if it was not given to them.
I was told I had teeth like a horse, that I was far too skinny and that my IQ did not make me any better than anybody else.
I was told that born for a penny, I would never be worth a dime.
I was shown that violence is a normal expression of pain and not having any words for that. And that addiction is a natural result.
I was told that my body was a ticking timevbomb, which can explode any time into the most horrible diseases…
I was told a lot, and what was told and shown I put on, piece by piece, as a coat.
But I also saw a magnificent flower garden, where I was more than welcome. There were friends, with whom I spoke English, although I did not know the language. There were moments in which the trees bowed for me and hugged me with their branches. Where my hands disappeared into the moss. A world, for me just as real as the one I was born in.
There was this moment where I could no longer combine the garden with the violence in my world of form. Where I wanted to go ‘home’. I did not know yet that I did not have to die for that. And it goes without saying that I did not succeed that way.
Then there was the moment, the moment where I had walked all paths of being ‘normal’, adjusted, hidden, suppressed and ‘pretending’. The moment where I could not go any further, but because of love, children, home, also did not want to die.
The moment in which my garden, my friends, all called me back in full intensity, and told me it was enough to just take off all these coats, one by one, or sometimes a few at the same time.
I got directions for that, pointers, in the form of family, friends, a divorce, my love, teachers, books and movies. I used everything I could and I still do. And I call that way Purigado.
Purigado is Esperanto for cleansing, purification. I chose this word from this universal language, because the process of Purigado is universal.
You start with Purigado when it feels like you are Styrofoam, held under water. When you ‘are not comfortable in your own skin’, getting burned out or experiencing physical symptoms. Or just when you know that there should be more than a mortgage, work stress or other worries. When the calling to play, to love fully, to enjoy the time you have here, becomes stronger than the walls you so carefully built around you.
If you are ready, when you want to discover yourself again in the world of form, than you can use me as a pointer, as a translator, as someone who has your back. Through my books, my lectures, through all the words and methods of the most committed teachers.
Just through the way of Purigado, to see yourself again for who you truly are.
Gewoon via de weg van Purigado, om jezelf weer te zien voor wie je werkelijk bent.
To go to the Facebookpage of Purigado, click here